Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
