Sorry, I don't speak sober.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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