who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
