Well apparently he's into motor boating.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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