i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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