i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
