Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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