Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
