Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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