should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
