so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
