i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
