i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
