I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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