either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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