i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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