What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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