Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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