Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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