singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
