Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
