Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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