I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
