Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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