Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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