Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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