TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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