Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
