I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
