I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
