Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
