Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think I have vodka in my lungs
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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