are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
