Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
