So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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