I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
