Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
