Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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