Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think a kid would responsible me up
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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