his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
