Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I could fuck to npr.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
