dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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