My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
