Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He shit in the fireplace
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
