I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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