Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
