Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
