I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
