Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He better not be in your backpack
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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