What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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