do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Boobs speak an international language.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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