Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
