I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
